Romantic Love can take us to
some of the greatest heights we can experience
as humans. It makes us feel fully alive,
tingling with joy. Some psychics, like Barbara
Brennan, observe that people in love
radiate a powerful, contagious positive
energy, and glow with a golden light.
But there are also pitfalls
with romantic love - loving so much it hurts;
becoming needy; "going crazy" or "getting
weird." Why do those things
happen? And can they be avoided?
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Flow of Human Life Force
One of the fundamental ways that falling in love affects
us is that it alters the flow of our life force
(prana). There are both positive and problematic
consequences to that. On the positive note, it opens
our chakras (energy centers) to greater flow of life
force. It also blows our hearts wide open.
(Have you ever noticed yourself becoming more sensual and
alluring with people in general, not just your partner,
when falling in love?)
That is all fine and well. However, with the
chakras getting blown open and focused on another person,
the energy flow may become too horizontal rather than
vertical. I understand that "going horizontal" with
the one you love sounds delightful. But it can cause
problems when it's your prana (life force) being
re-directed that way.
The normal flow of prana through the human energy body
and chakras is primarily vertical. It needs to be
so, because "heaven and earth" are the only replenishable
sources of nurturing prana for our energy bodies, which in
turn nurture our physical bodies. Just as we breathe
air through our lungs, we also breathe prana in and out
through the tops of our heads and through our bottoms
(perineum, point between genitals and anus). We
"breathe out" old spent prana and "breathe in" new,
replenishing, invigorating and life-sustaining prana.
Prana (Life Force) from Spirit and Earth
If you are quick in the uptake, which I'm sure you are,
you can probably already see where this is going.
When we fall in love and our prana becomes powerfully
focused on another person, it may diminish the flow of
nurturing, replenishable prana from "above and below,"
from Spirit and Earth. At first it feels only
blissful and wonderful. Perhaps because it takes a
while for the prana we already have to be depleted.
And instead of receiving the usual impersonal prana from
Spirit and Earth, we get to experience a tantalizing
exchange of personal life-force energy with another human
After some time, though, if the replenishment of prana
from Spirit and Earth continues to be drastically
diminished over a long period of time, an emptiness starts
building in us that needs filling with new life-force
energy. The problem arises if, at that point, we
have gotten stuck in the in-love-mode to the point where
we are unable to switch the flow of prana from horizontal
Horizontal Flow of Life Force (Prana)
Resulting in Neediness & Pain
Placing Our Loved One in the Place of God
If we are stuck in a horizontal flow of life-force, then
the source of replenishment becomes the person we are in
love with. We begin to need them to fill
the emptiness and lack of life-force inside of us.
For all practical purposes, we place the person we are in
love with in the place of God, because we expect them to
replace God as our source of spiritual life force.
And what's more, we begin hold them to God-like standards,
which are impossible for any limited human being to live
As a side note, this horizontalization of the flow of
prana is also the true issue with idolatry, and why we
"should have no other God" than Universal Spirit.
The problem may be particularly pronounced in romantic
love situations, but we also see it in blind guru devotion
or other situation where a human, animal, thing or a cause
becomes the object of our worship in place of God /
Returning to the romantic love situation, depending on
how severe the constriction of flow from Spirit and Earth
has become, we may experience any degree of neediness and
clinginess in our relationship with that "wonderful" other
The lack of life force (prana) within us, from Spirit and
Earth, can also be excruciatingly painful.
Especially if we are someone who's been previously used to
a strong flow of prana from above and below. Being
cut off from the sources of healthy prana when our
energies start flowing horizontal instead of vertical can
be quite maddening.
The person we are in love with, in turn, will probably
experience our needs and expectations as more or less
impossible to fulfill or live up to. Naturally so,
because their energy body is not designed to serve as a
conduit to provide someone else with life-force /
prana. And also because, in real practical terms,
they find it impossible to live up to the God-like
expectations we place on them.
Being Loved & Needed
Let's turn the tables. Say that you are the person
that someone else is in love with. It may become
more or less unbearable for you to face the unreasonable
expectations and neediness of that other person when they
make you the only source of their "inner
fulfillment." After the initial stage of feeling
uplifted by the flattering attention, later you may begin
to feel "sucked dry", drained, or suffocated by this other
A third scenario may be that both are in love. Then
it doubly compounds the situation because neither one is
getting any new, refreshing life-force energy from Spirit
or Earth. A co-dependency may develop which can be
anywhere from mild, to severe and bitter with a lot of
aggressive sparring and blame exchanged.
Meditation as Solution
The solution of course is that when falling in love, we
practice some form of meditation focused on the flow of
prana to and from above (Spirit) and below (Earth).
This needs to be done daily. If you have trouble
doing it by yourself, there are meditation teachers in
practically every town able to help you.
Other Pitfalls with Falling in Love
In addition to having our energies "going horizontal,"
there are two other pitfalls with "falling in love."
One is the amplification of pre-existing "issues" -
spiritual, psychological, emotional and mental. The
other is the opening up of our subconscious - which
actually is not a bad thing at all but it can cause
Amplification of Pre-existing Issues
Let's begin with the first one - the amplification of
pre-existing issues. As mentioned in the beginning
of this article, when we fall in love, our chakras (energy
centers) open up to a much greater flow of prana (life
force energy). However, the chakras are not
free from debris. There are clots of congested
energy in there that may block, hinder or divert the flow
of prana. When the flow of prana tries to increase,
it may push on these clots with greatly magnified
force. This in turn magnifies the issues that these
Emotional issues which we did not previously consider
serious may suddenly explode, and things we weren't even
aware of may become noticeable. Maybe you never
thought of yourself as the jealous type before but now
that you're in love, suddenly your heart fills with
anguished pain whenever you see your loved one show
affection toward someone else. Or maybe your
insecurity about how you look, which was never a big
problem before, now gets blown out of proportion.
These are just two very mild and simple examples.
The issues that are magnified are often a lot more
complicated, even "weird."
The first "problem" had a simple solution. This
second one does not. We simply have to face our
issues as they come up and work through them. It's
important to note, though, that the amplification of small
issues may be permanent. What this means is two
things. 1) It give us the opportunity to work
through small issues we didn't even know we had because it
makes them much larger so we can't ignore them, and 2) It
makes the issues a lot more challenging to deal with
because once the genie is out of the bottle so to speak,
huge and full-blown, you can't stuff it back into the same
small space it came from and pretend it doesn't exist
Opening up to Our Subconscious
The third problem, which is really not a problem as much
as a challenging side effect, is the opening up of our
subconscious. There are three aspects to our
- Subconscious: Unconscious part of incarnate mind.
Includes instincts, reflexes, some emotions, and a lot
of suppressed or unrecalled memories and programming.
- Conscious mind: The aware and thinking part of
- Higher Self: Aspect of Self not incarnated. Conscious
of oneness with the Universe / God.
Under normal circumstances, these three aspects are
effectively separated as part of the normal vertical mode
of the human energy system. But when we fall in love
and our energy begins to flow more horizontal than
vertical, a side effect may be that the separation of the
three aspects of self breaks down or weakens.
Several things may occur as a result of this. As we
come more in contact with our Higher Self, we may start
becoming aware of things that were previously only known
to that larger aspect of ourselves (Higher Self).
Past life memories may begin to surface, in particular
memories of us and the person we are in love with from
Opening up to our subconscious may have the effect of us
opening up to the other person, sometimes uncontrollably,
and telling them all kinds of things we've never told
anyone before. The things we say may even surprise
us because they may be things we didn't even know where in
us. They may be things from our subconscious and/or
Higher Self that were previously unknown to us, which
we're only now discovering because "falling in love" has
opened us up to our subconscious and Higher Self.
As I said before, this is not necessarily a
problem. It may even be a good thing.
Especially if we have an understanding partner who
is okay with some "weirdness" surfacing from our
subconscious. Perhaps this can even be an
alternative way of emptying the subconscious and avoid
having to experience The Long dark
Night of the Soul as part of our spiritual
development. (I'm not sure if the two experiences
are substitutable and The Long Dark Night of the Soul is
avoidable. I'm only speculating.)
Conclusion - Balance in Love
So by all means, seek the joy of romantic love in your
life. As mentioned, it may even be a way to blaze
through the same spiritual transformation as The Long Dark
Night of the Soul in a much more enjoyable and pleasurable
way. And now that you hopefully have learned a
little bit more about the nature of the pitfalls with
falling-in-love, I hope that may help you to more fully
enjoy the experience.
By the author of "Illuminating
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